Okay - so these are my thoughts - in no particular order:
1) Music - try and avoid running that piano riff through the entirety of your film - it has the effect of covering all the highs and lows with the same feeling and I'd suggest something more creative and more 'soundscape' would improve things - so a more expressionistic use of sound effects and non-melodic sounds - try and approach this element of your film less conventionally - you're not making an 'explainer' video or infographic - you're creating something that's a bit more filmic.
2) Transitions - my advice is to avoid those 'dips to black' as a means of transitioning - it cuts your film up into 'scenes' when you want it to feel more integrated. There are more creative ways to think about transitions, but I think you've gone too far to fully embrace that approach because it would have been figured out at the planning stage; instead, just put the scenes together as hard edits, so one scene follows another. It is common practice in filmmaking to start the sound that belongs to the next clip while we're still looking at the first clip - so you start the dialogue that goes with scene 2 at the very end of scene 1 - this helps the scenes flow together.
3) In terms of 3D - I think you might be missing the point here - the answer to the question 'Why use 3D to make this film' could be answered by you using the camera more and creating space and travel and depth in your film. For example, that scene with your 'brain' - so you've modelled a brain, but then it just sort of sits there - the camera observing this model from a-far. Allowing the camera to orbit the brain or visit it or whatever is surely the point of having a virtual space and cameras within it? Also, your scenes where you're on your spree - again - the camera is static, when really perhaps we should be rushing through your drawings and feeling a sense of travel? This would be my principle observation - that your locking the camera down like an audience member in a theatre, and it's making your film feel flattened and 'about surfaces', as opposed to being about journeys and trips into your drawing space. I think you need to think about what those cameras can give you...
4) Sound design - as per previous comment - your film is rich in requirements for expressionistic sound design and also basic foley - it would really help, for example, if we could hear your drawings 'scribbling' as they appear - of course, drawing digitally doesn't make that sound, but that's the sort of creative license you need to display.
4) Your title and typeface - 'When I draw' isn't very poetic - try and pick and image or a phrase from your actual film and call it that - an example of what I mean might be calling your film 'Wing Tips' - because that image evokes flight, freedom, advice, and the nib of your drawing tool etc. Also, as your story is about you and expression, I don't think we need to see generic typefaces - I think this is a hand-written only thing - and by that I mean you write any text elements yourself so they feel a part of your world and not a part of some suite of fonts.
Hey Manisha,
ReplyDeleteOkay - so these are my thoughts - in no particular order:
1) Music - try and avoid running that piano riff through the entirety of your film - it has the effect of covering all the highs and lows with the same feeling and I'd suggest something more creative and more 'soundscape' would improve things - so a more expressionistic use of sound effects and non-melodic sounds - try and approach this element of your film less conventionally - you're not making an 'explainer' video or infographic - you're creating something that's a bit more filmic.
2) Transitions - my advice is to avoid those 'dips to black' as a means of transitioning - it cuts your film up into 'scenes' when you want it to feel more integrated. There are more creative ways to think about transitions, but I think you've gone too far to fully embrace that approach because it would have been figured out at the planning stage; instead, just put the scenes together as hard edits, so one scene follows another. It is common practice in filmmaking to start the sound that belongs to the next clip while we're still looking at the first clip - so you start the dialogue that goes with scene 2 at the very end of scene 1 - this helps the scenes flow together.
3) In terms of 3D - I think you might be missing the point here - the answer to the question 'Why use 3D to make this film' could be answered by you using the camera more and creating space and travel and depth in your film. For example, that scene with your 'brain' - so you've modelled a brain, but then it just sort of sits there - the camera observing this model from a-far. Allowing the camera to orbit the brain or visit it or whatever is surely the point of having a virtual space and cameras within it? Also, your scenes where you're on your spree - again - the camera is static, when really perhaps we should be rushing through your drawings and feeling a sense of travel? This would be my principle observation - that your locking the camera down like an audience member in a theatre, and it's making your film feel flattened and 'about surfaces', as opposed to being about journeys and trips into your drawing space. I think you need to think about what those cameras can give you...
4) Sound design - as per previous comment - your film is rich in requirements for expressionistic sound design and also basic foley - it would really help, for example, if we could hear your drawings 'scribbling' as they appear - of course, drawing digitally doesn't make that sound, but that's the sort of creative license you need to display.
4) Your title and typeface - 'When I draw' isn't very poetic - try and pick and image or a phrase from your actual film and call it that - an example of what I mean might be calling your film 'Wing Tips' - because that image evokes flight, freedom, advice, and the nib of your drawing tool etc. Also, as your story is about you and expression, I don't think we need to see generic typefaces - I think this is a hand-written only thing - and by that I mean you write any text elements yourself so they feel a part of your world and not a part of some suite of fonts.